The Power of Your Word Pt 3

Are You Hostage To Your Opinions?

Candy's Photo 2If we want to be compassionate we must be conscious of the words we use. We must both speak and listen from the heart.”          — Marshall B. Rosenberg

Dear Heartlove.png Friend,

With tongue in cheek I ask, have you noticed the current climate of robust words and divided opinions about our political scene?

Of course, the news about the Brad and Angelina divorce, the last shooting by a police officer, or an individual shooting a police officer, adds to an already fertile field of heated debate and conversations.

Let me be clear, while this series is NOT about the current opinionated political climate, I do understand the fear, anger, pain and rage that is rampaging throughout the country.

Personally, I view this climate as prayer requests. We can hold all of what occurs to be in disarray in our world, as an opportunity for the power of God to be expresses though and as us.

God can move through each one of us to bring a new order, a new peace, a new healing and a new beginning, if we choose.

Meanwhile, lets continue exploring how the power of our words plays a significant part in the healing process.

Invitations – Will You Accept?

I see this climate as an invitation and reminder for us to consider the energy field of our thoughts and words, and how they may be contributing to or adversely affecting our well being.

It’s an invitation to be more conscious about planting the kind of word seeds in the energetic Universal field of Spirit that empower and uplift yourself and the collective consciousness.

It’s an invitation—rather than join the voices of anger, discord or hopelessness—to ask ourself, “Am I willing to see my circumstance, event or this person differently?”  funny-eye-glasses“Are my words and  conversations coming from a place of peace, love and harmony?”

Over time we may forget how powerful words are in informing who we see ourselves and others to be.

In case you become aware that this post has more than my usual references and quotes, my intention and hope is that these multiple sources will reinforce our remembrance of what we already know.

Those who know me, frequently hear me say that everyone is doing the best they can given their life’s circumstances. I deeply believe this as true.

This belief serves me in forgiving myself when I have spoken or acted out of what I value as my higher self. It also helps me forgive others when I perceive that they have done so.

Nevertheless, my years in ministry and my own experience have taught me that there are times when it is challenging to live on a consistent basis, from the “Truth” that we believe.

Words of Fear or Faith

I know that it isn’tovercoming-fear lost on you that the media promotes fear and separation. And Isn’t it true, there is a part of us that wants us to forget we are interconnected? Rather, it/ego would have us believe we are separate. That there is an “us” and “them.”

Having this awareness, we also know the diligence required to the spiritual practices that align more with our identification with our Divine Nature.

Charles Fillmore, cofounder of Unity World Wide Ministries offers this observation: “Know that any seed words that are planted in Omnipresent Spirit will germinate and grow and bring forth fruit “after their kind.” Just as the farmer selects the best seed for planting, so I must choose the words that will bring forth the rich harvest of plenty.”

As we know, words that are written, can be erased, but words that are spoken have an energy behind them that are not easily forgotten.

 God and Conversation

One of the abbreviated definitions of ‘word’ that Webster’s dictionary gives is: “a brief remark or conversation.”

When we go to the New Testament, in the book of John, we find these words, “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God, and the Word was God…” What I find interesting, is the ‘Word’ (translated from the Greek word logos) is also thought to refer to the Mind, idea, thought, concept, image, and/or the conversation of God.

I love how Carlton Pearson in his book  God Is Not a Christian,

God and Conversation
God and Conversation

writes, “God is never more than a conversation (a reasoned thought) away….” Pearson goes on to  pose the following questions:

“What if God is the very language we are speaking? What intimacy could be possible?

 “How are we making ourselves manifest in our conversations with God and with others?”

 Words Bring Forth After Their Kind

As divine creations of the Mind/Word/Conversation of God, it’s also important to acknowledge that the words we speak and hear can be misunderstood.

Someone has said and clearly makes this point, “I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

Michelle’s Story: My friend Michelle gave me permission to share an excerpt from one of her recent experiences about a misunderstood conversation with her niece. See if you can relate. I certainly can:

Yesterday my baby sister…let me know I hurt my niece’s feelings PUBLICALLY and needed to do damage control.

“At the time of the words leaving my mouth, I caught what could have been pain as she [niece] abruptly left the livingroom, but when I queried her mother, she responded that my niece was like that and prefers to spend time in her room.

“After my sister admitted that there was harm, I reached out to my niece and apologized…though my intent was not to cause harm. She received it well, but I know first hand how pain can last…”

I dare say there’s not one human being on the planet who has not had a similar experience. Thank you Michelle for your willingness to be vulnerable in allowing your experience to be shared publicly.

When you stop to think about it it’s truly a miracle when what we communicate is truly understood by the other person. I found this potent reminder on Face Book, “The tongue has no bones, but it is strong enough to break a heart. So be careful with your words.”

Let’s dive deeper into the power of your/our words and read the following poignant poem by Ruth Bebemeyer:

Words are Windows 

Brick - Wall
Brick – Wall

(or They’re Walls)

“I feel so sentenced by your words,

I feel so judged and sent away,

Before I go I’ve got to know

Is that what you mean to say

Before I rise to my defense,

Before I speak in hurt or fear,

Before I build that wall of words,

Tell me, did I really hear?

Words are windows, or they’re walls,

They sentence us, or set us free.

When I speak and when I hear,

Let the love light shine through me.

There are things I need to say,

Things that mean so much to me,

If my words don’t make me clear,

Will you help me to be free?

If I seemed to put you down,

If you felt I didn’t care,

Try to listen through my words

To the feelings that we share.”

Connection
Connection

Ruth eloquently expresses one of our basic needs, which is to understand and be understood. In other words, our need for connection.

Compassionate Communication

Marshall Rosenberg in his book, NonViolent Communication offers this advice:

“To communicate consciously requires attention to two areas:

I need to speak from awareness of what I am perceiving, feeling and needing, and

Through watching and listening, I need to be aware of those same needs in others.

When we focus on clarifying what is being observed, felt, and needed rather than on diagnosing and judging, we discover the depth of our own compassion.”

When we think about building strong relationships, without a doubt the words we say are essential to that process. Proverbs 25:11 gives us this reminder, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”

Connecting With Your Word

When you come from the inner space of love, peace and harmony, you want to make everything you touch better, and uplifting to humanity.

On a practical level here are some suggested phrases that are useful in navigating life in a more conscious manner:

We never want to shame or judge others. The relationship with ourself is equally important, therefore, we never 

Kind Words
Kind Words

want to use our words to shame or judge ourself. 

Be clear about what you want. Rather than your current situation, focus on an out-come that leans toward win-win.

Let’s  use Marshall Rosenberg’s NonViolent communication model of observation, feeling and need on the following example: :

The house needs cleaning, (observation) You are frustrated (feeling)  because you want help cleaning the house (need) instead of saying . . . “You never do anything around his house,” consider saying . . . “The house needs cleaning (observation). I am frustrated (feeling), because I need some help (need). Would you be willing to be responsible for vacuuming the house once a week ?” (request rather than a demand)

Will Bowen, author of A Complaint Free World suggests this phrase “You’re probably not aware of this…” when faced with something that bothers you, 

He gives this example: Someone in a theater starts to text during the movie and the light from the cell phone is distracting…say, “You’re probably not aware of this . . .” and express your observation in a neutral fashion.

 Compassion and empathy can bring healing to a difficult conversation.

Jill Spiegel, author of the book How to talk to anyone About Anything offers this suggestion for asking for what you want by substituting the use of “but” for “at the same time”:

Example:  A friend is late for lunch for the  3rd time … “I love our lunches together . . . ‘at the same time’ I feel hurt when you arrive late . . . I feel you don’t value my schedule or me. I needed to tell you because I want our friendship to remain positive.”

In Ecclesiastes 10:12 we find this observation, “The words of a wise person’s mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool will swallow up himself.” 

When your opinions and efforts to be right are holding you hostage from your peace of mind and sense of well being, consider this  familiar statement, “You don’t see the world as it is, but as you are.”

Most Important Words

The six most important words: I admit I made a mistake.

The five most important words: You did a good job.

The four most important words: What is YOUR opinion?

The three most important words: If you please.

The two most important words: Thank You.

The one most important word: We.

The least important word: I.

  • Author Unknown     (offered by Peggi Willis)

Would you be willing to join me in observing your thoughts, opinions and words over the next 48 hours. When you notice something you would have preferred to have said or done differently, be compassionate with yourself, and at the same time, try to determine what need of yours was not being met. Journaling is a great tool to support expanding your awareness.

In the upcoming posts we will explore the keys to creating connection, health and happiness with your words. If you know of someone who may benefit from this series, I would love it, if you would take a moment now to like this post and share it with them.

I love hearing from you. If you have any questions or comments regarding your experience of and usage of words and/or how you are challenged by them, please share them in the comment box below.

And If you would like more personal support, you may contact me through the contact box below.

As always, on this site there are, affirmations, and meditations to support you on your journey to self-empowerment.

If you found value in this post please be the first of your friends to like and share it by clicking on one of the social media buttons below. You’re also invited to follow me on Twitter and like me on my Face Book page.

LOL = Lots Of Love,

Candylove.png

The Power of Your Word Pt 2

Candy's Photo 2Pres’ Servant Story

“Word reveals volition—the choice point of how and what we will create in our lives. There is power in the word awaiting our realization and it is the key to mastery in life.”–Ellen Grace O’Brian

Dear Heartlove.pngFriends

I recently heard someone say, “It’s not the words that we hear, but the words we believe that matter.” That quote makes me think about my husband, Pres, before he made his transition.

He loved to serve. He was a true caregiver. It didn’t matter to him whether he was preaching from the pulpit, in the jails or wiping poop off of someone’s butt who was ill. It gave him great joy to be in service.

However, it was interesting to me to observe him—for almost 30 of our 51 years of marriage—constantly a-man-prayingtalk about and pray in frustration asking God, “What is your purpose and will for my life? Please reveal  it to me and I will do it.”

It was not until in one of those prayerful  moments that he felt the Holy Spirit revealed to him that he was a “servant.”

What was obvious to those of us who knew Pres, was a revelation to him. The word “servant” took on new meaning for him.

He embraced the calling of “servant” as a badge of honor and consciously and more passionately leaned into the joyful role of serving.

What was fascinating for me about his experience, was how he took the word “servant” that most AfroAmericans prefer to avoid ,and gave it a holy meaning.

From this insightfulthe-servant-leader transformative experience, Pres came to believe, when you are doing what you’ve been called to do you are in service, from the trash hauler up/down to the President.

He wore the title of “servant” with such pride that even when others attempted to have him say ‘you serve’, rather than “I am a servant,” he corrected them and reaffirmed that he was a servant.

Your/Our Story

Ah yes, this story about Pres’ shift in consciousness has all the happy endings of transformation that we like to hear…right!

I also like hearing the behind the scenes story-of-your-life of a story. So, let’s pull back the curtain a bit and take a peak at Pres’ previous 30 year journey of getting to his proud moment of discovery.

It will not be hard for you to imagine the following scenario if you have ever compared yourself to someone you feel is better than you? Luckier than you? More talented than you? More blessed/prosperous than you? And who knows their purpose and seems to have it all together?

Yes, while this is Pres’ story I am sharing, I’m inviting you to recognize that it’s our story as well. Different desires, beliefs, paths  but for many of us a similar process, often called the Hero’s Journey. (more on Hero’s Journey coming)

As you know, the power of our word involves not only the words spoken verbally to others, but the words we speak to ourself. This speaking within to ourself is sometimes called inner dialogue or self-talk.  When we notice this inner dialogue, we find it is most likely to be negative self-talk.

Your Word and Negative Self-Talk

So what does negative self-talk look like? Most folks confess to having had these kinds of conversation with their inner self at one time or another.

Do any of these statements sound familiar? “I’m not worthy. “I’m stupid.” “I’m not good enough.” ” I’ll never find true 

Negative Words
Negative Words

love.” “I can’t lose weight.” “Nobody likes me.” “I’ll never be successful.” “I’m too old.” “Too poor, too wealthy, wrong color, wrong gender,  etc.”

Basically this kind of negative self-talk is simply reflecting your  belief that YOU’RE NOT ENOUGH!

And the WORST PART is that most people don’t even REALIZE that their self-talk is NEGATIVE!

Self-Talk and Computer Language

The inner conversations we have with ourself are liken to a computer where the information you put apple2c-bigin it becomes programmed and plays back as experiences that you name reality.

Think about this, if your inner dialogue is mostly negative then in computer language you experience GIGO, which means garbage in, garbage out.

In our world of technology, the language of computer is used analogous to our subconscious, and is referred to as the hardware. The information that is programmed into the subconscious is called the software.

You see, our subconscious/computer doesn’t distinguish between “good” and “bad” commands. It simply accepts the the information from others and our self-talk, which over time becomes our programming.

When you think about it, you can easily see how what you are today is the result of all the information that you accepted and believed. Your self-talk adds fuel to those beliefs and and not only shapes your experiences, but ultimately your destiny.

Change Your Self-Talk and Life

I believe most folks are familiar with the idea that when you change your thinking, you change your life. The same can be said of self-talk. When you change your self-talk, you change your life.

How powerful are your beliefs? Beliefs are created from your repetitive thoughts and self-talk.

When you look at scriptures, they urge vigilance to the information  that comes from others and from ourself with  statements like

Heart Map
Heart Map

these, “…guard your heart [subconscious] above all else, for it determines the course of your life….For out of the overflow of the heart [subconscious], the mouth speaks”.

I love the the way Rev. Ellen Grace O’Brian makes the analogy of the power of your word to a ship as she asserts, “Control of speech harnesses soul power. Like the small rudder that turns a ship, conscious, truthful speech can turn our life around.”

If that is true, what would your life look like if you affirmed, “Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better.”   -Emile Coue

Positive Self -Talk and Meaning

If you’re experiencing the kind of self-talk
 that’s holding your greatness hostage, the science is clear, you can replace destructive self- talk with positive, powerful
 self-talk in the form of affirmations.

Do you have to wait for an aha moment to make the shift? Not at all. In fact, quantum physics is supporting what the mystical core of every religious tradition teaches, you assign meaning to what happens in your life.

The christian scripture offers this insight, “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart…”  Romans 10:8

You have probably noticed, when you begin a committed practice of affirmations where you are affirming the truth of your being, how your old programming rises up in resistance in it’s attempt to survive.

DON’T BE SURPRISED, if for example, when you affirm, “Today I present my love, passion, talent and joy as a gift to the world,” your next thought might be, “Who do you think you are?”

OR

You affirm, “My unique skills and talents can make a profound difference in the world,” you inwardly hear, “Stop kidding yourself, who have your talents made a difference for thus far?”  etc.

That’s your old programming resisting the change it fears might come. It’s important to remember, It took repetitive thoughts and self-talk to get you to the beliefs you have today.

If you want to change the beliefs that are no longer serving you, it will take conscious, committed daily repeated practice to dislodge the old programming, especially at first. It’s like an athlete preparing for a race, or a student learning to play the piano. It requires practice, practice, practice.

Positive affirmations are designed to neutralize the negative inner chatter and in the the long term, replace those limiting self-talk/

Affirmative Words
Affirmative Words

thoughts with empowering loving thoughts that open your mind to see possibilities and opportunities instead of obstacles.

Affirmations are positive, declarative, and in the present
tense, because when you express your desires in this way,
you’re able to easily create the emotion of what your soul is longing for.

8 Powerful Affirmations You Can Use To Up Level Your Sense of Self

Self love is meant to be the purest and the highest form of love. When you love yourself, you automatically start appreciating and respecting yourself.

I invite you to consider committing to 21 days of of twice daily speaking these affirmations preferably in the morning and evening.

Take a moment to center yourself and speak the affirmations with feeling and conviction. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but this is where faithing it until you make it plays an important role in your  success.

“I know there is something wonderful about me, and I vow to myself that I’m going to release this wonder, beauty and joy.”  

“The better I know myself, the clearer my purpose become. Today I follow my heart and discover my destiny.”

“I am experiencing now the constant flow of prosperity and abundance. Whatever I need comes to me easily and abundantly.”

“I give up on victimhood and I stand in the realm of excellence.” positive-affirmations-when-you-can_t-sleep1

“I vow to myself that I release more power, excellence and beauty than I’ve ever imagined. ” 

“I am limited only by my vision of what is possible”

“I affirm that the universe meets my conscious intention with a mighty YES and all of my needs are met. The universe supports this with ease and grace.”

“Today my mission is to surrender and release”.

“It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.”    Isaiah 55:11

In the upcoming posts we will explore the keys to creating windows rather than walls with your words. If you know of someone who may benefit from this series, I would love it, if you would take a moment now to like this post and share it with them.

I love hearing from you. If you have any questions or comments regarding your experience of and usage of words and/or how you are challenged by them, please share them in the comment box below.

And If you would like more personal support, you may contact me through the contact box below.

As always, on this site there are, affirmations, and meditations to support you on your journey to self-empowerment.

If you found value in this post please be the first of your friends to like and share it by clicking on one of the social media buttons below. You’re also invited to follow me on Twitter and like me on my Face Book page.

LOL = Lots Of Love,

Candylove.png