Conscious Uncoupling Of Our Stories

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Candy Preston
Candy Preston

“Don’t become like the people of this world. Instead, change the way you think. Then you will always be able to determine what God really wants-what is good, pleasing, and perfect.”  Romans 12:2     –GOD’S WORD® Translation

Be Aware of Your Thinking

“You are lonely!”

“You are unloved!”

“You are an incest or cancer survivor!”

“You are abandoned!”

“You are too old…too fat…too young…wrong color….wrong gender!”

Are any of these statements or experiences familiar to you? Not to diminish the reality of your experience of pain or suffering, but could it be that underneath the surface of your life experience lies a story that has been holding you back? Recently, the term “conscious uncoupling” went viral when a celebrity couple used that term to announce they were getting a divorce. A lot of the comments about the term have been critical. However, I find it useful as a way of expressing a process of choosing to evolve beyond old hurtful beliefs and patterns in order to create more of the experiences in your life that you desire.

When you stop to think about it, can you see how the lens through which you observe, evaluate, and interpret the events in your life can become your story? Light and Shadow Personality AspectsMany years ago my focus was always on some future time of experiencing happiness. Typically, I would envision that after I had accomplished some objective, such as losing weight, I would be happy. Through losing weight many times and keeping if off only briefly each time, I discovered that my experience of happiness was short-lived and far between. I learned that if I waited for sustained weight loss, I would only be happy for short periods of time.

My pattern of moaning and groaning about my weight and other aspects of my life came to a screeching limp when I had a graphic dream that clearly illustrated I was sabotaging myself. Literally and mentally I woke up to the fact that the issue was what I believed about myself. This “A-HA!” launched me into the process of understanding and changing my core beliefs about my self image. It eventually led me into a fulfilling career of supporting plus size women under the canopy of “Beauty Comes in All Sizes.”

Conscious Uncoupling Path

Quantum physicists have discovered that where attention goes, energy flows.

Powerful Wave
Powerful Wave

And where your energy flows, so does your life. So when we say things that put ourselves down or diminish our value and sense of self worth, such as with self-talk or statements like “I’m not good enough or “Oh, it will never work for me,” or “I’m unlovable,” that’s exactly what the universe hears and returns to you. However, you can begin uncoupling these kinds of ideas by consciously aligning your thoughts and feelings with Infinite Intelligence, which sees you as this awesome and wonderful being created in It’s  image. According to Kerri Zanely, “Your story is not what happens to you in your life – rather, it is what you make happen in your life that is your story.”

You have the power to choose a different identity then the one that proclaims you are not enough. Conscious uncoupling involves “work,” in the alchemical sense. It is impossible to uncouple from what is no longer serving you and at the same time live in unconsciousness. It requires your willingness to step out of your comfort zone in order to make room for a positive, healthy self image and belief system.  It is helpful to know that in the process of uncoupling those old thinking and belief patterns, you are co-creating with your Source. Your Source is conspiring for your highest good, no matter what! It also requires your awareness, self-acceptance, intention, repetition, and consistency.

Key Questions to Activate Conscious Uncoupling

Key question: What do I really want and what am I willing to give in exchange for it?

  • Awareness. Your spiritual awareness is the secret place of the most High within you. All words, affirmations and declarations are for the purpose of empowering you to bring your consciousness to a higher level of spiritual acceptance of who you truly are.

Key Question: Who am I?

  • Self-Acceptance. Once you are aware of your desire for change, the next step is acceptance. What is your underlying sense of self? What are your beliefs about your value? The simple fact that you are alive demonstrates your inherent value and self-worth. Learn to see, love, and appreciate the unique, amazing, and gifted individual that is YOU! You teach others how to treat you by modeling how you treat yourself. Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change.

 Key Question: Who do I want to be?  

  • Set Your Intention. Who you are is who you say you want to be. Life is what you make it. Become magnetic to what you want to create. You can choose to embrace qualities like abundance, peace, beauty, or love, and in the process attract more of these things to you. Or you can choose limiting thoughts like poverty, worry, disgust or resentment, and you will attract more of those things into your experience. Set your intention to change your thoughts and emotions from low to high energy.

Key Question: What story do I need to stop telling myself? And what story do I want to begin?

  • Repetition. Consciously creating and repetitively declaring with feeling statements like, “I love who I am. I love life. Life loves me. It’s going to be smooth and easy. Life works for me,” will begin to impress your subconscious mind. Words are molds. It is the consciousness which flows through them that fills these molds with life-giving substance. View conscious uncoupling as an adventure of alchemy. Know that through joyful repetition you are consciously and lovingly transforming what no longer serves you into creating the kind of life that is fulfilling and satisfying.

Key Question: In this moment what commitment do I want to make to myself?

  • Consistency. In the New Testament, St. Paul urges: Think on the things that are lovely, pure and good. You need a deep commitment beyond simply positive thinking. Don’t expect instant success or even any kind of finality, you are on an amazing journey of love, bliss and worthiness. As you train yourself to mentally look for the good, you will move towards the good; and, as you form higher and larger conceptions of the good, these elements will begin to find expression in your words, acts, character, person, talent, and achievements.

Barnet Bain author of “The Third Story” offers this statement: “… I am free at any moment to regard myself in an entirely different way. Any moment that I choose, I am free of all my stories.”

What do you think?  Are your stories serving your highest good?

This blog site is intended as a forum for going beyond right and wrong, from black-and-white into shades of color, and for moving into an energetic field of safety, love, compassion, acceptance and understanding. Your comments are inspiring and genuinely welcomed. Please feel free to reply in the comment section below.

If you enjoyed this post please be the first of your friends to like and share it by clicking on one of the social media buttons below. You’re also welcome to follow and like me on my Face Book page.

LOL = Lots Of Love,



Growing Up in a Mixed Marriage and Forgiveness: Conclusion

Candy Preston“Forgiveness let’s the veil be lifted up that hides the face of Christ from those who look with unforgiving eyes on the world.” -ACIM

Enlarge Your Thinking and Life

My primary motivation for wanting to forgive my mother was because according to my understanding of Scripture I knew I should in order to receive forgiveness for myself. To be clear, I wanted to free myself from the out-of- control emotional inner turbulence that was wreaking havoc on my self-righteous image and moral values. . I came to see that I was like a balloon that is unable to float because of the sandbag  holding it to the ground. My story of lost childhood that I had been telling myself, and anyone else that would listen, was the sandbag that I had allowed to hold me down for more than 40 years. Wanting to be free of my pain I asked the universe to help me to become willing to do what I believed I should do.

My initial stages of willingness took the form of courage to move out of my default mode of secret keeping to share my conflicting emotions and situation with my pastor’s wife. Confessing my shame and guilt to her emboldened me to take the next step of sharing with my husband, Pres.

Blossoming Flower
Blossoming Flower

These steps freed both of us to  acknowledge the distance we had allowed to creep into our relationship.  We agreed and committed to taking the steps of renewing our relationship by consciously redirecting the energy inwardly that we had turned outwardly, in seeking what had become lacking in our marriage.  This reconnection and reaffirmation of our love  enabled me to take the next steps toward forgiveness.

When I asked the  Holy Spirit to show me ways to express love to my mother, the inner nudges I received gently offered suggestions like, “You could call her more often,” or “You might write little notes of appreciation making mention of some specific strength that she demonstrated as a mother and/or as a wife.” Or “You might select a Mother’s Day card that expressed what a good mother she was in this or that area, rather than the bland and non-descriptive cards that you so carefully have selected in the past.” OUCH! And, “Instead of reacting to her criticisms, respond with compassion, realizing how the critical environment in which she grew up impacted who she is now.”

Mind Your Stories

Related to the themes in his book “The Holy Universe,” author, David Christopher, offers this excerpt from his illuminating poem, “Mind your stories; question them often. Nourish those that serve. Change those that do not…” I was so entrenched in my old and familiar way of thinking, I didn’t know if I could change my deeply rooted way of seeing and interpreting my experience of my mother and our relationship. Christopher continues with an explanation of why it’s far easier said than done. He writes, “For many of our darker stories have cut grooves in the primordial stone of our psyches – and the river of mind all to easily turns back into these dark and shadowy valleys…”  Yes, I found replacing my old conditioned thought patterns, with thoughts and emotions that were more in alignment with my emerging desire to let go and let God to be challenging. Nevertheless, it became a daily, sometimes moment by moment choice and practice of prayerfully redirecting my mind and forgiving myself when I would find myself automatically hanging out in my default thought and feeling mode.

Be willing to act

Searching for positive memories was no small task, but as Moojiji states, “Behind sometimes even the fiercest battles and brutality, there is love there.” I begin to gradually feel an opening in my heart as I responded to the subtle inner whisperings of Spirit. I tentatively began expressing appreciation to my mom for the various fun activities in which she created opportunities for us to participate, such as beach, parks, playground, and fishing trips; the creativity that she demonstrated managing the family through the depression, for example: sewing many of our clothes, putting cardboard in the soles of our shoes so that they would last longer; then later the strength and endurance that she exhibited–almost as a single mom with 4 children living on the desert in Victorville–such as, chopping wood, hauling water from wells not located on our property, or from town nearly 15 miles away, and working  at jobs as a maid in homes and the town motels, etc.

As a result of my shifting focus, the fog that had blanketed and darkened my mind began to lift, so that I was able to see some of my dad’s imperfections, and more of mom’s perfections. As David Roche writes, “I had to learn slowly to open the door just a crack to let love in, maybe just a few seconds at a time. We all do.” What started out as calculated behaviors of doing loving acts, eventually became more spontaneous. The icy walls around my heart began to melt, and my actions became more heart-felt and authentic.

Heart Basket
Heart Basket

Who Am I To Judge

Furthermore, I also began to realize, the importance of examining more deeply, how the behaviors we judge in others, are reflected within our own selves. More often than not, the people we have a hard time forgiving are actually teachers who are modeling something we need to forgive and release in ourselves.  Jesus’ words remind us that there is a direct correlation between our ability to love and our ability to forgive when he says, “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven – for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little, loves little.” Luke 7:47  Each discovery of an imperfection within that is not serving our highest good is an opportunity for healing, releasing, and elevating us in consciousness. If we choose, challenges can provide expansion into the next level of growth that is wanting to emerge in us, as us.

The Lessons And The Gift

As it turns out, my experience turned out to be a steppingstone into a more realistic and compassionate understanding about life.  It expanded my understanding of the powerful role that forgiveness and love play in our ability

Joyful Celebration
Joyful Celebration

to experience peace, joy, freedom and fulfillment. Forgiveness releases you from the self-imposed imprisonment of guilt and shame. Forgiveness restores your  awareness of the inner Presence and Peace of God. Forgiveness expands your consciousness to see and experience events differently.  Forgiveness can move you out of the victimhood stories and questions of “Why me?” into affirmations of appreciation and gratitude of “Thank you Lord, God, Universe!”

An Aha moment occurred when I came to realize that my mom in her own way was seeking the very same qualities of freedom, love and fulfillment, that we all are. I believe she found what her soul had been seeking in her later years, when she became a born-again Christian. My husband and I, consciously embarked on mending our relationship through prayer, identifying and strengthening the links that we had allowed to weaken through focus on our careers, education, and ministry.  Our intention to devote attention to each other empowered me to gradually move emotionally away from the coworker and circumstances that fueled the desires that were not serving my highest good. Oh yes, the steps that Pres and I took to restore, nurture and love our relationship back to health, became the platform for teaching marriage and communication classes! (Those steps are a future blog)

Thank you for sharing your views on forgiveness. I would love to read your comments regarding Colin Tipping’s assertion in his book, Radical Forgiveness, “Wise people forgive but do not forget. They strive to appreciate the gift inherent in the situation and to remember the lesson it taught them.”  What do you think?

This blog site is intended as a forum for going beyond right and wrong, black-and-white, into an energetic field of safety, love, compassion, acceptance and understanding. Your comments are inspiring and welcomed. Please feel free to reply in the comment section below.

If you find this blog likable please be the first of your friends to like and share it by clicking on one of the social media buttons below. You’re also welcome to follow and like me on my Face Book page.

LOL = Lots Of Love,